"The future's uncertain, and the end is always near." —The Doors
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DORY’S RECIPES:
THE TASTIEST HARDTACK IN THE (ANCIENT) WORLD

After reading about all our struggles on board the ship with finding food, you’re probably worried about having enough stocked away in case of an emergency. And though canned food is great when your tummy is rumbling, sometimes you want some variety. To that end, I wrote down every step Dory took while making hardtack. It may seem kind of gross and boring, but here’s my advice. Make it now and store it away. When you run out of food, you’ll thank me. This stuff lasts for hundreds of years. Oh, and make sure your dental insurance is up to date. Also, if you wear braces, you might want to soak it in some water first. They don’t call it hardtack for nothing.

Things you’ll need:

1 cup Water
2 teaspoons Salt
3 cups Flour
A spatula, knife, cookie sheet, bowl, and nail

What to do:

Set your oven for 375°F (190°C). You probably want to check with an adult before doing this since 375°F (190°C) is pretty hot.

Mix the flour and salt together. Then mix in the water slowly, mushing it with your hands to blend it all together. Make sure to wash your hands first because otherwise, that’s just gross.

Once it’s all mixed together, flatten it out until it’s about half an inch thick. (That’s about as thick as your finger.)

Make a bunch of holes in it with a nail (a clean nail, not a rusty one that you pulled out of your fence).

Use a knife to cut it into rectangles of whatever size you want the servings to be. Place these pieces on a cookie sheet.

Stick the cookie sheet in the oven for 30 minutes. Take it out. Use a spatula to flip over the pieces.

Stick it back in the oven for another 30 minutes. Hopefully by now it’s golden brown.

Take the cookie sheet out of the oven. As much as I know you want to dig right in, let the pieces cool for at least 30 minutes because they get kind of hot.

Enjoy! And watch your teeth.



HOMER
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